America - Day 17
San Francisco is a beautiful city, but it's not all pretty. This is what I've seen today, not just one but dozens if not a hundred people like this. I was swallowing hard as I walked through the streets of the Tenderloin neighbourhood, constantly reminding myself that I was ok and that what I was seeing was real. Checking and re-checking and checking again that my mind was registering it. Trying, as I walked, to make sense of what I was seeing. Had something happened today to make these people like this, is it pay day, was it always like this, is it the time, are people spaced out because it's late afternoon, what's it like at night, must keep my hands on my pockets, is my facial expression ok, do I stand out, what should I feel, why am I walking through here, how many more streets until I'm out, must try not to make too much eye contact, why, why, why. It's ok there must be other strangers here. Why does anybody let people live like this. People lying in the street everywhere, I literally have to step over them or walk round them. One or two people had their scraps of belongings laid out on the sidewalk trying to sell what they could in an embarrassing garage-sale sort of a way. I thought I'd seen some bad stuff on this trip, but today was the pits. I admit to feeling uneasy and stupid. Stupid firstly because I thought I'd already seen the worst, and also stupid because I was walking around with an Ipad sticking out of my pocket - and I didn't want to take it out to use Maps and see where I was.
Though it screws up my mind, I have learnt that this is a country of contradictions. Like here in San Francisco the city is becoming a magnet for the uber rich, notified by sky-rocketing property prices and limousines trying to knock you over as you cross the street. In many ways San Francisco is a beautiful city. But it is also home to a neighbourhood which I can only describe as a hellish. What hits you in the Tenderloin is not economic poverty but spiritual destitution - this feels like a desolate place.There is a vile combination of sex trade, human depravity and violence. And the toxicity is drugs, not drink mostly. Crack and heroin. I could tell because they were mostly silent, no shouting or laughing or making a nuisance of themselves. Just lying on the street motionless, crumpled up, not even covered, it's warm in San Francisco. My entrance into the district was marked by seeing girls sparsely dressed crossing the street and a black guy behind them, being helped by two others who were pretending to be able-bodied and making a very bad job of it. Everything a horrible a mess. But nobody was happy, nobody was smiling, nobody was having a good time like young adults on a friday night. These were all ages, and all like walking death. Cheeks hollow, hair tangled, clothes falling off, eyes in all directions, struggling to keep themselves together. It was as if someone had thrown a stupid bomb into the place and everyone had been hit. Just the scale, the numbers were overwhelming. This is so ugly, so inhuman.
And then I came across the place I was looking for, St Anthony's SFhttp://www.stanthonysf.org. I almost walked past it, but I stopped when I saw a group of smart looking people stood next to the road with some brightly coloured food bins. The bins were marked Frozen Turkeys, Fresh Turkey, Groceries and Toiletries. So this is how St Anthony's do a Thanksgiving food collection - it's like flipped-round drive through fast food - you drive through and give food. A Giveaway rather than a Takeaway - a brilliant idea. The volunteers were the only happy people I saw in Tenderloin, it is a desperate neighbourhood from what I saw. St Anthony's and Glide http://www.glide.org are two Churches doing huge social programmes here. I can't imagine what it must be like working here every day. I'm going to come back without my gadgets and I'll feel better I think - the second time.
San Francisco is a beautiful city, but it's not all pretty. This is what I've seen today, not just one but dozens if not a hundred people like this. I was swallowing hard as I walked through the streets of the Tenderloin neighbourhood, constantly reminding myself that I was ok and that what I was seeing was real. Checking and re-checking and checking again that my mind was registering it. Trying, as I walked, to make sense of what I was seeing. Had something happened today to make these people like this, is it pay day, was it always like this, is it the time, are people spaced out because it's late afternoon, what's it like at night, must keep my hands on my pockets, is my facial expression ok, do I stand out, what should I feel, why am I walking through here, how many more streets until I'm out, must try not to make too much eye contact, why, why, why. It's ok there must be other strangers here. Why does anybody let people live like this. People lying in the street everywhere, I literally have to step over them or walk round them. One or two people had their scraps of belongings laid out on the sidewalk trying to sell what they could in an embarrassing garage-sale sort of a way. I thought I'd seen some bad stuff on this trip, but today was the pits. I admit to feeling uneasy and stupid. Stupid firstly because I thought I'd already seen the worst, and also stupid because I was walking around with an Ipad sticking out of my pocket - and I didn't want to take it out to use Maps and see where I was.
Though it screws up my mind, I have learnt that this is a country of contradictions. Like here in San Francisco the city is becoming a magnet for the uber rich, notified by sky-rocketing property prices and limousines trying to knock you over as you cross the street. In many ways San Francisco is a beautiful city. But it is also home to a neighbourhood which I can only describe as a hellish. What hits you in the Tenderloin is not economic poverty but spiritual destitution - this feels like a desolate place.There is a vile combination of sex trade, human depravity and violence. And the toxicity is drugs, not drink mostly. Crack and heroin. I could tell because they were mostly silent, no shouting or laughing or making a nuisance of themselves. Just lying on the street motionless, crumpled up, not even covered, it's warm in San Francisco. My entrance into the district was marked by seeing girls sparsely dressed crossing the street and a black guy behind them, being helped by two others who were pretending to be able-bodied and making a very bad job of it. Everything a horrible a mess. But nobody was happy, nobody was smiling, nobody was having a good time like young adults on a friday night. These were all ages, and all like walking death. Cheeks hollow, hair tangled, clothes falling off, eyes in all directions, struggling to keep themselves together. It was as if someone had thrown a stupid bomb into the place and everyone had been hit. Just the scale, the numbers were overwhelming. This is so ugly, so inhuman.
And then I came across the place I was looking for, St Anthony's SFhttp://www.stanthonysf.org. I almost walked past it, but I stopped when I saw a group of smart looking people stood next to the road with some brightly coloured food bins. The bins were marked Frozen Turkeys, Fresh Turkey, Groceries and Toiletries. So this is how St Anthony's do a Thanksgiving food collection - it's like flipped-round drive through fast food - you drive through and give food. A Giveaway rather than a Takeaway - a brilliant idea. The volunteers were the only happy people I saw in Tenderloin, it is a desperate neighbourhood from what I saw. St Anthony's and Glide http://www.glide.org are two Churches doing huge social programmes here. I can't imagine what it must be like working here every day. I'm going to come back without my gadgets and I'll feel better I think - the second time.